Courage

YOSEMITE, CALIFORNIA - My friend and co-worker Brett climbs rocks. Not for a living, but for "fun". He and I must own different copies of the dictionary, because that's not my entry under "fun". He told me once about people who sleep in tents hanging from the sides of mountains. Again, "fun".

Several years ago, Brett and I were working on a project and I asked him how on earth he can do that. How he can look right at a steep climb and find the courage to scale it. He said, simply; "I just start climbing. I stop when I get to the top." (He's one of those cool yet totally understated kind of guys.)

It fits though. To so many situations in our lives, if we knew what we were up against and how tough it would be, we might not ever start. I've spoken with hundreds of cancer patients and their families about the journey they face. They are all afraid, all intimidated by the challenge ahead. The same thing applies to any hardship you might face, but it's simple and it's true. And I repeat Brett's words almost every day.

"Just start climbing."

Hang in there, fellow courage seekers. You can make this climb!

History

CAIRO, EGYPT -  Oh my goodness, I thought I was old. (Ha!). Scientists have found a mummy in Egypt that has evidence of cancer. He is 2,200 years old!!! This puts it all into perspective, doesn’t it? 

One of the questions I’m asked quite frequently is "Where ARE we in cancer research – why don’t we have a cure yet?" I find this question baffling, but mostly because I’m not a researcher. That’s like asking Ronald McDonald why the fries take so long to cook; he’s just the guy out front with the funny shoes. He can’t possibly answer such a tricky question!

My answer comes from one of my brilliant docs, and I use it constantly. (Tip: always turn to your genius friends if you need answers. Don’t pretend to know something you don’t come close to understanding.:) He says that this disease has been with us for millennia. Only in the past few decades have we actually found a way to begin the battle.

Chemotherapy didn’t even exist until the 1940’s, did you know that? And the two guys who started it actually worked for the Department of Defense – working on chemical warfare! You never know where the answers for treatment will arise, how it will help, or how long it might take. I suspect that the same answer works for "the cure". All I know is that in the history of all human existence, I am grateful for the last 70+ years of advancements in treatment and research. It’s because of those advancements that I am here to write this little bloggie blog. 

Go go cancer research!

Edie

FORT WAYNE, INDIANA - This is my friend, Edie. I met her through work, and she was a blessing to everyone who met her. Cancer has taken her from us, like so many others. 

There wasn’t one thing I could do to stop her from passing. But much like our fellow co-workers, we could lend her comfort and support by just going to tell her we loved her. 

Sometimes that’s all you can do. But don’t let that stop you from doing it, please. Go hold a hand.Whisper a prayer, give a hug, talk to the family, tuck in a blanket, look into her eyes. Just go out there and be nice to someone today, someone that really needs it. It will be just as good for your heart as it is theirs. 

We will all miss you, Edie.

Clare

INDIANAPOLIS - In just a few days, there will be a really big football game happening here in Indy. Big people will come and have big parties, and the whole state is welcoming our visitors with big, open arms. What a tremendous opportunity for all of us!

The best part is that the people organizing the big stuff are also focusing on some small stuff. Small like little bitty cancer cells, to be specific.

This is my sweet friend, Clare. She's in the midst of her cancer treatment, but is just as strong and pretty as ever. Clare is one of many cancer patients here in Indiana. One of our group that owes so much to our wonderful doctors. Our researchers. Our donors.

Clare - and the rest of us in this crazy cancer world - are so thankful that the Indianapolis Colts, the NFL, the NY Giants, the New England Patriots and the entire Super Bowl committee have stopped to remember us in the midst of their work. They have decided that they are not too busy to help others.

To me, that defines Super.

Princess

USA. A long, long time ago in a fish far, far away, there one was a pretty little gene that liked to jump around.

That gene looked liked it was not working, like she wasn't  going to be able to offer anyone very much.

But then, in a far-away land (or, as I like to call it;  "Minnesota"),  a handsome prince ( I like to call him "a group of cancer researchers") decided to see if they could make the beautiful sleeping princess gene wake up.

They did, and she did. They ran to the castle (I call it "fish dissection part of the laboratories").  The beautiful jumping princess gene is actually called the "Sleeping Beauty" - and she might be the one to show us the fingerprint of every tumor's cancer gene. The handsome prince (s) were so happy, they immediately told the town crier to spread the news (I like to call that the "National Institute of Health and the Journal Nature"). 

This beautiful princess and her heros will work together to find and defeat the horrible villain (I call him "stupid cancer").

They will attack all the paths that the villain has owned until now; block it, squash it, gallantly end that evil.

The good news to all of this is that I am NOT telling you a fairy tale. The heros are real, the beautiful princess is real, and those of us ready to help get a sword and help are also real. (I like to call us "donors to cancer research"). The Sleeping Beauty Gene is back in the news with scientists making even more discoveries about what drives tumor growth - the more we know about what makes the evil villain tick, the greater the chances we'll be able to outsmart it. 

And we all lived happily ever after. The End. (Cue the sweeping dramatic music and sunset.)

Girlfriends

MORTON, ILLINOIS -  You have girlfriends. We all do. What would you do for your friends, how far would you go to help her if she needed you? What would you do for her if she never asked for anything, but nonetheless had needs? 

If she was diagnosed with breast cancer with little ones to care for, a job to attend, a life to lead? What would you do? Would you look at her home and realize that it needs to be spruced, fixed, repaired, redecorated? Would you go to every store in town and do the unthinkable – tell people why you are buying floor tile, paint, etc. (so that your friend has a pretty room to recover from chemo)? Just the discussion of that topic is too hard for some. Would you, could you?

Would you stand by her every moment and encourage her, love her, push her, prod her, prop her up, stare her down, wipe her tears and smack some sense into her when needed? Would you ignore her "I’m just fine" comments and push them to the side while you take charge of being her life assistant when needed? Would you look at her face, smile and tell her she is – IS – lovely; even when she has no hair, no energy, no heart to go on? Would you scour the internet, call everyone you can think of, research until the wee small hours of the morning just to find more about her diagnosis? 

Would you put your own life on hold at a moment’s notice to drive her, fetch for her, answer for her, plea for her? Would you drive for hours with your own family to make sure her children have someone to play with and something to do during her surgery?

Would you be able to do all of these things while being strong, fearless, independent, and breathtakingly lovely? I know someone who has. The lady on the left is my beloved sister-in-law. She is flawless, and she is helping one of her best friends on her cancer journey; much the same way she came to my rescue during my journey. 

I love you, Kristy. And all the other women out there who are in your role of best girlfriend. Caregiver.  Hope provider. Strength giver. We patients could not do it without you. 

Photo courtesy of Shelbyphotography.com.

Stress

BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTS -  And then there are times when we read the news and we realize that, in fact, the little stresses in our life are not as bad as we thought just a moment ago. At least when we take the time to put it in perspective with others.

Our thoughts and prayers are with you, little Saoirse. We hope you and your mommy are both well very soon.

Photo: CNN.com

Caregiving

TUPELO, MISSISSIPPI - Genie Alice is quite the gal. Quite. I read her story recently and wanted to make sure she got a spot on our blog. We are open to many types of discussions here on this little blog, not just breast cancer. This time I want to talk about Genie Alice.

A few months after marrying her true love, Nate, he started getting headaches, vision problems and neck pain. Stupid cancer. Grrrrr. But Nate is working hard for his recovery and sounds like he is quite a fighter. Brain surgery, rehab, you name it, and he’s overcome the challenges. Right by his side the whole time was Genie Alice. She says she just wants to "encourage others."

Well, my dear, you have encouraged me. I hope that you can be a beacon of light to those who find themselves in situations that are "different than our dreams" but still willing to keep going. Nate is blessed to have you; and we are so thankful you were willing to share your story with my friends at MD Anderson.

Tattoo

BIRMINGHAM, ALABAMA - So many people have tattoos. I've never given them much thought, most of the men in my family are in the military, so I've seen them forever. One guy I met has a little replica of Adam/God from Michelangelo, and I found that to be super fantastic. One lady in chemo had a butterfly on her head - she said if people were going to stare, she wanted to give 'em something good to peek at. Heh.

My sweetie friend Julia found this cartoon and sent it my way, and it has made me laugh for two days straight so far. I like that people throughout the ages have utilized body art as a way to display pride, memory or status. I don't know how many people are aware that the lady next to you in line at the grocery store might have a tat of her own - and in a fairly intimate place. So for our little education journey today, please feel free to research "radiation tattoo." They might not be barbed wire on a sculpted arm, but I'm fairly certain that my fellow cancer patients are pretty proud that we made it through the tattoo process. And all that followed as well. :)

Cartoon courtesy of xkcd

Cost

USA – We could talk for hours – days, really – about medical care across the world. Debate it, hash it out, maybe even come to an agreement. What most people fail to realize is that the cost of "health care" that receives the most focus is the immediate need. For cancer patients, that involves things like chemotherapy, radiation therapy, surgery, etc.

There’s an interesting turn of phrase that was being discussed in my cancer center last week and I’d like to share it with you. The official term is "continuing care." The ladies in the chairs across from me called it "life." :) They didn’t have any handy-dandy charts or graphs, but they had bank statements and knowledge. They all had great insurance (thank heavens!) so what they were discussing were the little bills (their words, not mine) that drained their accounts. It’s the ongoing, everyday costs of cancer that people neither know about nor discuss openly. We just joke about it in the waiting room then clam up when the nurses walk in.

… Cancer types with longer survival, such as female breast, have a higher percentage of expenditures for patients in the continuing phase of care. So what that means is, in reality, very good. You get to live longer than other cancer patients. The bad news is that you’d better be hoping for a money tree in the backyard. Ha! Government studies have revealed that it costs 3.2% MORE to live after you have had cancer than when you actually go through treatment.

This isn’t a complaint, please know. I love my doctor and I’ve been blessed with great insurance at my job. I only wrote this for the ladies at the cancer center this week. They said "Why doesn’t someone write about this, tell people, just for informational purposes?" So I’m writing it, girls. I don’t have any solutions in mind, but I want you to know that I’m trying. Stay well, my sassy cancer center friends. xoxo

Editor's Note:
Look what just came through to my Inbox "GiveForward Helps You Crowd-Fund Medical Expenses"!

Infusion

FORT WAYNE, INDIANA - I have friends in myriad industries, all forms of employment across the world. It’s funny that one word can mean something so different to so many. Let’s use "infusion" as today’s example.

My chef friend facebook messaged me a "must try" recipe of a chicken with a lemon-basil infusion. Doesn’t that just sound yummy-licious? Yea, I thought so too, until I actually looked a the recipe. Single chef friends with no children apparently have hours to spend massaging poultry and hand-dicing vegetables. Not gonna happen. Next example, please?

Another dear one of mine is a "textile specialist." She tells me that in her world, the word infusion is always used with color as a prefix. Always. "You can use components to provide a color infusion to your environmental pallet." Seriously, that’s the kind of sentences she uses when we are just having a regular conversation. Imagine how she must ramp it up to speak with people who actually have a clue what she is sayinG ... next example?

My infusion world involves people in little chairs with nurses hovering like protective mommy eagles, always there and quietly peeking down to see if we are all ok. Infusion is the word that the cancer community has seen fit to use a replacement for the word "chemo room." Infusion Center – there, now doesn’t that sound a great deal more relaxing and peaceful? Ahhhhh, nice. Maybe not so much, actually. It’s the best it can be, though. It’s better than it was just five years ago, this world of infusion. More hopeful, more positive, more happy endings. Infusion: your new word for today. :)

12

WARSAW, INDIANA - Because he was only 12 years old, it makes me mad. Because it doesn't matter if the doctor says "brain" or "breast" or "cervical" or "liver" - if the word "cancer" follows, it makes me mad.

That this disease in its myriad forms feels permitted to touch children, and take them from adoring families, it makes me mad. I don't want any more families to be mad, either. I will always be mad at you, evil cancer.

Surviving

OHIO - I was sitting at a dinner table with a handful of people; thingswere going great. Fun conversation, wonderful company, awesome food.

Then one person says "You know, I HATE being called a survivor. Who made up that phrase, anyway? Someone who never had cancer, I'll bet!"

We were all silent for a moment. We were all either patients or physicians, and we all just looked at her. Then, it started ...

"Me too!" "Gosh, that makes me so mad!" "Why do they think we consider ourselves done? Don't they know we still deal with it every day?"

The outpouring was impressive - I think we all just assumed we were theonly ones who thought that way, the only one who had to take meds daily, who have to wrap our arms to stop the endless swelling, the only one who knows that pain medicine is useless against bone pain. But there we were,all coming to the same realization at once.

Just because we had it once, be it 5 years, 5 months or 5 weeks ago - some of us aren't finished. We still have it hanging around and we wake up to do battle every morning.

Here's to my fellow warriors. Battle on, friends!

George

INDIANAPOLIS - This kind of says it all. I am here, as is my son, because this wonderful man made this wonderful decision. God Bless you, George Sledge.

Groups

I'm asked to speak at different gatherings all the time. Sizes, demographics, location; all varied. This past weekend, there were more than five thousand people.

The common thread? No matter if its a church with 11 people, a business convention, a huge stadium, after every time, I always hear the same thing ...

"I've been diagnosed. I'm scared. What can/should I do/say/think/feel?"

Until I stand before a group this size and never hear the word "cancer," I'll keep going. And fighting. And praying. And hoping. And loving. All of you.

Teacher

FORT WAYNE URBAN LEAGUE, INDIANA - “Teacher” is what one little peanut called her. I’d not met her before, this cancer warrior, but was asked if I would like to go hang pink ribbons with some children who had raised funds in honor of their instructor at the FW Urban League.

After I met her (yep, true to form, we hugged and cried within about 2 seconds of meeting each other. Life is good.) I got her message. You know, when you meet someone there is always something they want to make sure you understand before you part – that’s "their message." In my line of work, I meet so many cancer patients and their messages are typically tied to treatment issues, early detection, equality in healthcare, etc. But not this lady, her message was clear, firm and decidedly not what I usually hear.

Hers was this: “THESE KIDS ARE GREAT." Period. She kept saying it over and over, how hard they work, how much love they show, how gentle they can be, how they are rarely acknowledged for the kindness they have within them. Well, this is for you, you little sweeties. This is a big thank you from one lady who was sick, just like your teacher. Thank you from all of us for working hard to raise money to help other sick ladies. Thank you for knowing that if you think about taking care of someone else, it helps your heart, too. Thank you for your hugs yesterday. Thank you for knowing that the future can be bright for all of us.

Stats

INDIANAPOLIS - I had an interesting conversation with a fellow survivor recently. She wanted to know if I was aware of statistics about cancer and divorce, cancer and discrimination, cancer and (fill in the blank). I told her that, indeed, I was very well aware of these stats based entirely upon my own interactions with other patients.

I've known about them for years, actually; it's a quiet little rumbling conversation that no one really wants to bring to the open. I've been asked more than once: What do you think about this?

It's a percentage, that's how I look at it. Certainly, there are times when things will go wrong. Devastating, disheartening, discouraging. There seems to be a common thread with those who have come out on the other side, however.

We just survive. Find another reason to get up and keep fighting. I'll cry with you when you need it, pray with and for you always, and I'm always quite happy to celebrate the victories as well. Chin up, survivors. Rally around each other so that we can ignore the stats. :)


Image: Courtesy of ImageNation

Kids

GOSHEN, INDIANA - You know how little kids are, right? Just rambunctious bundles, always movin' and groovin' to their own beat. Today, I met 71 of them, each one doing a selfless act.

Parkside Elementary in this little town had a teacher who got sick, you see. She had breast cancer, and the kiddos wanted to help. So, they raised money, and did even more. They wrote cards, letters, jokes and drew pictures for the entire cancer center.

They walked over this morning, behaving like little angels and handed out these treasures to the patients. Let me tell you how far I made it out before tearing up - the front door. I have been a patient, and I know what it means to get special gifts like this during treatment.

So, here I sit in my car, crying and typing while sharing this story with you. The teacher is doing great, the school is supportive, the kids are darling and an entire cancer center gets a full day of something wholly unusual for them – bundles of hope, joy and laughter.

Thank you, children, for what you have done. I'm not a patient here, but your kindness will reach far beyond the people you see today in this hospital. Many hearts will be touched by this; but the most important hearts touched today are your own. xoxo

Seasons

NATIONWIDE, UNITED STATES - It’s that time of year again – happens every spring. When we used to live in Chicago, my family and I would participate in a springtime cancer walk downtown. Without fail, we would carve out a day, put my mama's name on a little sign we put on our backs, and joined thousands of other people who were equally affected by cancer. Some years I would walk pregnant, some years I pushed a stroller, some years we were all old enough to just walk all by ourselves. It was always a bit tiring, a bit crazy and a huge amount of fun.

It’s a wonderful, bonding experience, these walks/runs that happen nationwide. Worldwide, actually, as I’ve been informed by my online friends overseas. People who have lost loved ones, who have tackled this disease ourselves, who are helping friends go through it. We put ourselves on a little path for one day that makes us feel that we are empowered and able to make a difference. And, we will keep doing so until a cure is found.

So, here’s to all my sisters, brothers, friends and children who are walking, rolling, running, biking and golfing to help all of us with the "survivor" label. Every event that donates to research helps the whole world, and every footstep matters.

Wishes

WISCONSIN - You read the news and you are mad, confused, scared and often discouraged. Is it just me, or do you agree? Someone sent me this article, and I just had to share; it’s so happy, so positive and wonderful. Yes, there is cancer involved, and a love separated by a soldier at war. Chemotherapy treatments while the loved ones were far, far away. But in the end, there is love, hope and joy. And a lovely pair of red shoes!!!

Send me your happy stories, won’t you? I’d love to start sharing good news with people; I think we could all use a lift!


Photo courtesy of Bliss Bridal Shoes.