Amy

ANGOLA, INDIANA - "I'm the first" she told me, "first in just about everything you don’t want to have to go through in life" and then she laughed really hard.She's just a delight, my new friend, Amy, because she is constantly positive. It's obvious from the first moment you meet her; she really exudes that kind of everything-will-be-just-fine attitude. So sweet and refreshing!

Of course, her situation is totally serious. Not a laughing matter at all. She's the first of her friends to get breast cancer, she told me. THAT kind of first. But just in her short journey with this disease, her impact is being made aware to everyone. Many of her dear friends immediately went to get mammograms when she was diagnosed. Two of them received call-backs for suspicious reads of those scans. Just like that, she transitioned from patient to advocate. To life-changer. To hope-giver and inspiration. Just like that.

She does tell her friends that they need not worry. "If it’s a one in eight situation" she says, "I'll be your one. Just be sure to only have 8 friends!" And then I hear that laugh again. Delightful. :)

Jill

LAS VEGAS, NEVADA - Twice a year, Vera Bradley throws a party. They invite all of their friends to attend, and it is everything you would think it would be. It's more fun than you can imagine, the food is spectacular and you learn all about our product and designs. You also actually get to meet the co-founders. In person. And they are delightful, in case you were wondering. :) 

I always get to share my own personal story, and that of the incredible Foundation that Barb and Pat started nearly two decades ago (the Foundation part is astonishing to me; you do know that $20 million have been pledged to cancer research, right?).

Much like every other gathering, I met many new cancer patients and survivors, and reunited with ladies who have been social media buddies for years now. It's always a great time. 

This time; however, I received something entirely unexpected. I received a message that said someone had made a small video of me as I was speaking. Her goal was to show it to her dear friend who was struggling on her journey with cancer. I spoke on April 14th, and tried to impress upon everyone how much we need to help one another. Just take care of people who struggle with this disease, I begged.  

Jill, my online friend, did just that. She supported her friend, thought about her and took back encouraging words of solace. 

Jill's friend passed away on the 19th. It was, and will always be, a poignant story for me. All of our words matter, dear friends. I will forever be reminded of that fact as I remember Jill. 

I'm so sorry for your loss, Jill. But I am eternally grateful for that amazing act of kindness. You have allowed my entire Vera Bradley family to be included in the most precious time, and we are all humbled by your gesture. 

- heidi

Support

FORT WAYNE, INDIANA - I always assume I will meet cancer patients with amazing stories wherever I go. I'm never disappointed.)

Today's story comes from the Vera Bradley Outlet Sale. Pictured behind these lovely ladies is a one-of-a-kind quilt created with Vera Bradley's Tea Garden pattern; I was there admiring the workmanship of that stunning quilt when I saw the lady with the hat.

She had taken it off in an out of the way location, clearly to be discreet. And me being, well ... me, I walked right over and said: "I totally understand. Nothing worse than how hot you get during chemo. Then to have to wear hats; makes it even worse!"

She laughed, took the hat off with a bold flourish an we had a great conversation. Her daughter, pictured to her right, decided that her mama would NOT go through this alone. She has shaved her head in solidarity during her mama's journey.

Now I'm off to Las Vegas for the "A Colorful Day". Can't wait to tell you who I meet there!

Care

PORTLAND, OREGON - Have you ever been to a cancer center waiting room? I'm guessing if you are a regular reader you just might have. When I had my chemo and radiation, I had almost everything I needed; brilliant doctors, compassionate nurses, caring friends and coworkers, and thanks especially to those coworkers, lots of yummy food!!!

The only thing missing; however, was something that is often not a part of these centers; a children's play area. While we all hate the idea that some children have to come here while parents are being treated, it is a reality. Much like every other life activity, if you go to get something done, you have to bring your kiddos with you. Even if it's something frightening and somber.

My friend Amy lives in Portland and was a mom like me during her treatment. Diagnosed in our 30s with children who had to watch mommy go through such a scary time, Amy had a novel idea.

She would start a full-time (no charge!!!) drop-in child care center at Providence Hospital. Kiddos don't have to wait for hours alone anymore; they can be with other children in a fully supervised and staffed room with caring and nurturing administrators.

The long-term help this is giving is I calculable, don't you think? These little ones will now be able to see that this journey isn't one they have to take alone.

It is one of the most beautiful and compassionate things I've ever heard of, and really has shown me that with a clear focus and kind heart, you can change a scary situation into a good day for a child. 10,000 visitors later, I would have to say I think she has changes lives. Thank you, my dear Amy!

Better!

The beautiful thing about a new cancer drug discovery is that it has just begun. Patients have only just started to use it, so it's healing potential is just in it's infancy.

While almost every medication had side effects, cancer meds are the ruling class in side effects. They can rend asunder even the most fit of bodies - that's why when people call us "survivors", they mean it!  

A news story today caught my eye. The famed Herceptin has been a life saver (yes, literally) to many many people. But now there is another new kid on the block, following in her footsteps.  

This one, as advancing medicine often is, just has a few more bells and whistles. This one has lessened some of the tricky side effects! Now that may not seem to be a Herculean accomplishment or big news to many of you, but to me and my fellow patients, it's huge. Because it just shows we can all just keep doing the same thing.

Keep.doing.better.  :)

Photo: Getty Images

Kelley

TIPP CITY, INDIANA -  Years ago, my sweet friend Kelley came to a Vera Bradley sales event and saw a video. That video featured my daughter, Alexandra.

Alex shared the fact that someone with a serious illness does not go through it alone. In fact, the family of that person lives the experience as well as their friends, neighbors - even our pets! It is a great video, but the kid is the highlight.

Kelley thought so as well. When I saw her a few weeks ago, she told me how Alex was the inspiration for her to get involved. She had a daughter not that much younger and it broke her heart to think all that Alex has endured. So she started an event in her town. 

It had now grown substantially. One of the biggest outside fundraisers, it has taken over the whole town! Stores, restaurants, even entire streets get involved!

And this year, as a special treat, Alex herself will be in the fashion show. With little Ava. So the girl who's mama has cancer can be with the girl who's mama is working so hard to make a change through What a Girl Wants: Fashion for a Cure. :) 

Cheese!

AUBURN, INDIANA - There is something about quilters - they have big hearts and talented fingers. I have a friend who has made a quilt to benefit the Foundation for several years now, and her art is such a gift.

I spoke to this delightful group of quilters recently, and I'm proud to say that this year I did not touch any of them without a glove on. (That's a big no-no in the textile art world, just so you know ...)

When I was done speaking, I asked just one question. Then I took this photo. The question?

Who wants cancer to be CURED? :)

Backup

INDIANAPOLIS, INDIANA -  Since I was a little girl, I wanted to be a Pip. As in, the backup singers for Gladys Knight. My mom, God love her, chose only to tell me that the reason I might not be considered was that the fabulous Ms. Gladys only used her relatives for that job. Sadly, we were not related. That did not stop me from learning ALL the words and moves for "Midnight Train to Georgia".  (Come on, you know you are saying whoo whooo in your head right now ...)

Sometimes, we get to realize a tiny bit of our dreams if we are lucky. This past weekend, I went to a pink pajama party to raise money for breast cancer patient services. Indiana Women In Need hosted this fundraiser and as always, it was moving. Touching. Emotional. And indescribably FUN. This annual event is always rocked by an amazing band. The band always gets the ladies in pink moving on the dance floor – just so much fun.  So a tiny bit of my dreams came true.

Gladys wasn’t there, but I went up on stage with the band and danced with the horn line. I blended in. Totally. ☺

Just kidding, I was totally goofy but I had fun. That’s kind of the entire mission of IWIN. To be in the background, but letting people have fun. Women who are going through treatment need someone just to be backup. If they need money for gas, for lawn maintenance, for so many things – IWIN is there. There are so many similar organizations all over. I strongly recommend that you do a little research. And then donate. You, too, can be backup. (And keep dancing!)

Words

INDIANAPOLIS, INDIANA - Words matter. I always listen – very, very carefully to every doctor and researcher I ever hear. There are a few key things I like to hear, but sometimes it’s not what they say out loud that matters. 

Recently, a group of us went to the IU Simon Cancer Center to hear from some docs that are in the world of cutting edge science. Just an update to see where the world is right now with cancer treatment and research, and all of the exciting things they are doing to help. It was amazing! There will be a great posting soon on verabradley.org, so please keep checking back to see that.

As I was leaving the lab tours, I saw the note above on a refrigerator. I took a photo and put it up right away on my personal facebook wall, just because it was so.wonderfully.inspirational. It boosted me, made me smile, made me want to hug them all. Then, when I got home and checked facebook that night, I learned that so many people felt the same. It was shared, reposted, commented upon, etc. All comments were the same basic message; "we LOVE to see this." 

Sometimes is just the little comments that give us the energy to keep going. To keep taking our medicines, to keep raising funds, to keep lending helping hands. We do it daily, and not because of the big, grandiose statements but because of the little true words that exist in the hearts of those we trust the most. Go, go cancer research!

Zombies

WORLDWIDE - So you know that cancer cells don’t die, right? They have this  immortal zombie/vampire thing going on, and it makes me crazy. Luckily, we have about 20 ‘how to defeat immortals’ television shows happening so we know to stock up on water and supplies. 

The big news at a recent meeting of cancer researchers called ASCO is that there are little tiny caps on the ends on the tops of cancer cells called "telomeres". Those caps are the reason the cells live forever, the researchers tell us. The researchers are now trying to find a way to make the telomeres not fit. Be too short for the cell, therefore it will die a natural death like the rest of our cells.

I, personally, was pretty happy to hear about this research. As a cancer patient, it’s really unnerving to know that I’ve got cells wearing shoes that look like this picture running around my system. Blech. 

(Come on, you didn’t think I was going to put up a photo of a really scary zombie and not shoes, right? This is a family friendly blog!)

Go go cancer research!

Rachel

USA - She was a cancer blogger. NO that doesn’t mean what you think it means. She didn’t wallow in self-pity, she never demanded we wear one color or another to represent anything, and she almost always made me smile. I knew more about what her dog rolled in that day than I did about her scars and pain. She was honest and sage, sassy and bright. Her husband’s name, to the best of my knowledge, is "beloved". That’s what she called him – now, how dear is that? Her oncologist? "Dr. Cuteness". She didn’t have hair, but wore cool hats to camouflage. She only had one hand that worked well, but she did what everyone should try to do:

She reached out to everyone with the other.  

Princess

USA. A long, long time ago in a fish far, far away, there one was a pretty little gene that liked to jump around.

That gene looked liked it was not working, like she wasn't  going to be able to offer anyone very much.

But then, in a far-away land (or, as I like to call it;  "Minnesota"),  a handsome prince ( I like to call him "a group of cancer researchers") decided to see if they could make the beautiful sleeping princess gene wake up.

They did, and she did. They ran to the castle (I call it "fish dissection part of the laboratories").  The beautiful jumping princess gene is actually called the "Sleeping Beauty" - and she might be the one to show us the fingerprint of every tumor's cancer gene. The handsome prince (s) were so happy, they immediately told the town crier to spread the news (I like to call that the "National Institute of Health and the Journal Nature"). 

This beautiful princess and her heros will work together to find and defeat the horrible villain (I call him "stupid cancer").

They will attack all the paths that the villain has owned until now; block it, squash it, gallantly end that evil.

The good news to all of this is that I am NOT telling you a fairy tale. The heros are real, the beautiful princess is real, and those of us ready to help get a sword and help are also real. (I like to call us "donors to cancer research"). The Sleeping Beauty Gene is back in the news with scientists making even more discoveries about what drives tumor growth - the more we know about what makes the evil villain tick, the greater the chances we'll be able to outsmart it. 

And we all lived happily ever after. The End. (Cue the sweeping dramatic music and sunset.)

Football

INDIANA — We look like we are ready to play football, don’t we? Just kidding. We are actually helping to load up the van for the most amazing initiative; I’m so excited to be a part of this in a small way.  My friend Connie (she’s the sassy one right in the middle of the photo) was the impetus behind an innovative new wave of cancer research at the Tissue Bank at the IU Simon Cancer Center. That research, involving healthy women donating tissue samples, is now about to be celebrated, showcased and launched into the stratosphere by working with Super Bowl XLVI. Both are located in Indianapolis, so it’s just the perfect partnership. The women who donate tissue for this particular event might find a very special surprise as a thank you – in addition, of course, to the gift of hope!  Indy's Super Cure hopes to collect 700 tissue donations during the weekend leading up to Super Bowl XLVI. The collection will take place January 28 & 29, 2011. To join the interested donor list, please visit komentissuebank.iu.edu.

Christmas

JACKSONVILLE, FLORIDA –  David Garrard, never heard of him. Until this week, of course, and now I know him as “Santa”. 

David’s mama died from breast cancer when he was 16. She was a single mom, struggling to raise her son;  imagine the impact that has on a child. He could have gone in so many different directions, couldn’t he? I think the easiest route might have been one filled with struggles and heartache. Instead, this young man has become a beacon of hope.

He recently had to take a break from his professional football career due to back surgery. During his medical break, he did something astonishing. 

Eleven single mamas with breast cancer (and their children) were his guests for the evening. They were treated to a great dinner out, and then a bit of shopping. All expenses paid, courtesy of David. He spent so much time visiting with the mamas, taking pictures with the kids, hugging and laughing that he completely forgot to eat dinner himself. Can you imagine taking 11 families – families that could really use a helping hand– shopping for Christmas? What joy that must have been.

So I don’t know you, David, but I love you. Because you are exactly what we all need to see – someone who scrapes all the silver lining off of the clouds he finds in his life. Then shares that silver with the people around you.  Have a Merry Christmas, sir. And thank you for your example.

Photo courtesy of The Jacksonville Times-Union

Goodbye, Eva

We are very, very sad to learn of the passing of former Miss Venezuela Eva Ekvall. At age 28, this exceeds the phrase "heartbreaking tragedy" in every conceivable way. I’m certain that her 2-year-old daughter would agree, should she even comprehend what has happened.


Here's more on this amazing woman from a previous blog post. 

Giuliana

HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA -  I don’t know her. Don’t. I’d love to meet her sometime (after her mastectomy) and just give her a hug and say: "Thanks for putting such a lovely face to this stupid disease. Sorry you had to join the club, honey." But at this juncture, we’ve not met.

She is, of course, Giuliana Rancic, the poised, lovely, glamorous superstar who has breast cancer and is about to go into surgery for said cancer. She and her husband, Bill (don’t know him, either) are on television and I can see why. Look at them for pete’s sake. They are spectacular. Add to their appearance that they are smart, witty and world travelers? Of course they are tv stars .

I find something endlessly amusing about this – NOT that she has cancer; but that I always get calls and emails after a celebrity diagnosis. HEIDI – you should call Giuliana Rancic. She was just diagnosed. Her husband has a house where you used to live. So call her.

We don’t all know each other, we cancer patients. While I think every patient and survivor I meet are spectacular, I can speak for them and say they don’t know movie star cancer patients, either. Nonetheless, however, I would like to say this: we are sorry. Sorry that you have cancer. Sorry you know what it feels like to hear that. So many of us feel for you, want to reach out and hug you, want to make meals for your family, drive you to chemo, hold your hand, read you stories, all those things. We feel like you are part of our family simply because you inhabit our televisions and a bit of our hearts. I’m sorry that we can’t tell you how much we feel the same things you are feeling. 

We are here for you, should you need us. An entire fleet of fans who would do just about anything you ask for help while you go through this. I know this for a fact, because many of the people I meet do this all the time for other patients. It’s a good world out there, Giuliana, and we are just happy you are part of it. You are in our thoughts and prayers. 

Photo Credit: NBC's Today Show

Daisy

MILFORD, CONNECTICUT -  Girls of every age need to do all they can to take care of their health.  Sounds like something we already know, right? Simple! Not quite so much. My friend Mary Ann at the Get In Touch Foundation realized that girls all over the planet are totally unaware of the importance of health matters, up to and including breast health. They are almost completely unaware of how to do a self breast exam, although we constantly tell them to do these exams. Talk about a confusing message!

So Mary Ann Daisy Wheel © to show everyone how to do this easy thing. This simple, friendly and totally non-offensive tool is now in the hands of countless young women. Across the entire world, nonetheless! There are nations that have tricky requirements about what can and can’t be mailed, but her new smartphone app has been downloaded in 50 countries so far. Imagine that reach, what an incredible success! 

Just one girl ... imagine if Mary Ann, in her breast cancer journey, was able to reach out to one girl on the other side of the world and give her a fighting chance by finding her disease early enough. Being instrumental in saving the life of another person is the most noble thing, and now Mary Ann can say she’s done that in at least 50 countries. 

Add her to your ‘wicked cool hero’ list today, please.

Abstract

Matisse Mamas My Dear Piet ATLANTA, GEORGIA - I was asked to join a group of fabulous women, all breast cancer survivors, in Atlanta. The party was hosted by a company with a breathtaking view of philanthropy: they really just want to make a difference for mommies who have breast cancer. The company is Kids II and they search every year for women who’s charities could use a little financial boost. So far, 40 women have seen their foundations benefit from this incredible generosity. I’ve met the people who run this company, and trust me when I tell you – they are unique in all the world. They actually.care.about.us.    So for one of the evenings at this all-weekend party, they took us to the High Museum of Art, a superfantastico art museum. We had such an amazing time, just walking around all of that beauty. And I’m not just talking about those cancer patients, the art wasn’t bad either. ;) I realized at one point that we, all of us, were abstract now. At one point in our lives, we were all painted by Rembrandt, Titian, Raffaello Sanzio da Urbin. All of us cancer gals were exactly as we were originally designed; not a scratch on us. At some point; however, cancer reached out its brush full out paint and splattered us. Now we are an abstract version of who we used to be, in every way possible. But the beauty of that is the fact that we are now a new and different type of art piece. Of course we have scars. Things are totally misaligned, crooked, off center. Entire body parts have been, in most cases, removed, adjusted and stuck right back on like a crazy lego set. As I looked around that museum, I realized that we are STILL ART, however. My fellow patients were still lovely – some so beautiful the rest of us were pea green with envy (me, mostly about their shoes, to be candid). But there you have it. We are abstract. But as a result, we are beautiful. Worth noticing. Highly valued. As a matter of fact, every day we age we become even more miraculous and worth a pretty high appraisal.

Girlfriends

MORTON, ILLINOIS -  You have girlfriends. We all do. What would you do for your friends, how far would you go to help her if she needed you? What would you do for her if she never asked for anything, but nonetheless had needs? 

If she was diagnosed with breast cancer with little ones to care for, a job to attend, a life to lead? What would you do? Would you look at her home and realize that it needs to be spruced, fixed, repaired, redecorated? Would you go to every store in town and do the unthinkable – tell people why you are buying floor tile, paint, etc. (so that your friend has a pretty room to recover from chemo)? Just the discussion of that topic is too hard for some. Would you, could you?

Would you stand by her every moment and encourage her, love her, push her, prod her, prop her up, stare her down, wipe her tears and smack some sense into her when needed? Would you ignore her "I’m just fine" comments and push them to the side while you take charge of being her life assistant when needed? Would you look at her face, smile and tell her she is – IS – lovely; even when she has no hair, no energy, no heart to go on? Would you scour the internet, call everyone you can think of, research until the wee small hours of the morning just to find more about her diagnosis? 

Would you put your own life on hold at a moment’s notice to drive her, fetch for her, answer for her, plea for her? Would you drive for hours with your own family to make sure her children have someone to play with and something to do during her surgery?

Would you be able to do all of these things while being strong, fearless, independent, and breathtakingly lovely? I know someone who has. The lady on the left is my beloved sister-in-law. She is flawless, and she is helping one of her best friends on her cancer journey; much the same way she came to my rescue during my journey. 

I love you, Kristy. And all the other women out there who are in your role of best girlfriend. Caregiver.  Hope provider. Strength giver. We patients could not do it without you. 

Photo courtesy of Shelbyphotography.com.

Soy

NATIONWIDE -  Oh my goodness, do I get diet tips when I am on the road.  Every week, I have at least 5 or 6 emails, chats, etc that invite me to learn about  some new fabulous thing that will most certainly rid my body of cancer cells. The good part of this is that I have a) a genius oncologist who is willing to listen to all my questions and b) many of the ‘cure-all’ items being recommended do not boast universal endorsement by professionals. Soy, however, is a recurring theme I’d like to discuss.

IT DOES NOT CAUSE BREAST CANCER, I have been assured by myriad medical experts. Does. Not. However, because of my type of breast cancer, my doctor has recommended I do not eat it. According to him, for those of us who’s cancer really seems to enjoy estrogen, it could cause problems. Some certain parts of soy may exhibit estrogen-like activity, so I just steer clear. I don’t Eat it, Drink it, Consume it at all, so please don’t send me recipes containing it. I have watched so many interactions between a well-meaning tipster trying to convince a breast cancer patient to stop eating this or that and just eat soy;  and watched the patient politely smile and try not to wince. For many women and men with breast cancer, it is just fine to have this product.  No worries, it might even have a strong health benefit! For others, however, it very well may be walking trouble so we don’t consume it.

I have found that the best way for anyone to dispense advice about food is this way:.

1)      Only give nutrition advice when asked. Specifically. About nutrition, and then just stick to the topic. Don’t waver off onto something like exercise with a patient mid-chemo. We don’t want to know how fabulous your pilates or zumba makes your backside look . Please. We are just trying to survive.

2)      Don't pretend you are a doctor, unless of course you are a doctor. Always say: "This just is something I found helped ME when I was in chemo or radiation. I have a friend who tried broccoli and it was great for her. You should just ask your onc what he/she thinks might help."

3)      We know that by eating things like steak, whipped cream, pudding, etc., we might have made bad choices. We know diet has made a difference, but we also know that those choices didn’t make us eligible to "deserve our breast cancer."  Saying something like that to a cancer patient puts you on Santa’s bad list, just fyi.

4)      Read before you advise. I don’t mean articles on the web or something you saw in the waiting room magazines while you were getting your tires changed. Read the face of the person to whom you are speaking. Is she wincing? Perhaps you are saying something that she just can’t do. Does she look like she might cry or hit you? If so, immediately compliment her on her shoes. Trust me, this works.

5)      We all know that there are some other remote countries offering other diet programs at a glamorous spa-like retreat in a beautiful setting. If we don’t have access to it, please don’t tell us. Much in the same way I am certain that the Cinderella Suite in Disneyworld exists, if I’ll never see it I don’t want to know about it. Thanks, though.

Soy specific, our friends at Livestrong have written a great post about recent discoveries in that area.